You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
