please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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