mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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