Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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