"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
