sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
