At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
