There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
