how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
