Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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