Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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