why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
