covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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