I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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