should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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