went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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