Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
