new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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