when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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