Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
