he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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