the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is wine microwaveable?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
