im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
