you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
