just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
