My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Randomize
