i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
