there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Randomize
