im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sober January is a disaster.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
