omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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