She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
