HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
