Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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