Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
