Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
