clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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