I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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