I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
