i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
