What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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