I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
