Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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