does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
