she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
