Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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