We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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