I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
