someone owes me an orgasm
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
