You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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