It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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