Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
