Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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